It ain’t weak to speak – how I dealt with depression
After the tragic news of Robin Williams’ death after a struggle with depression Oli Shawyer shares the story of his battle with the black dog, and how talking about it helped him beat it.
The news of Robin Williams rocked me to my core yesterday. I didn’t know the man personally but there is something so profoundly tragic about a comedian, someone whose job it is to make us laugh every day, suffering so intensely.
To be fair, it’s a testament to how fucked up depression really is – that it can somewhat delude a man beloved by so many people, into deciding that he is better off dead.
By now, you would know that Robin Williams has committed suicide. And whilst I could never do him the service justified, I’m not actually here to talk about him. I’m here to talk about depression and anxiety within our industry. Ultimately an industry in which success is based very much on the opinion of external audiences, incredible time pressures, almost unbearable workloads, and predominately extroverted social beings that have substantial reputations to uphold. An industry where we individually work so hard to constantly please so many others, whilst all at the same time forgetting about ourselves as we take constant hits to our confidence, our ability, our character. It’s incredibly difficult not to take it personally.
Good words. Good on you.
Thank you for sharing your story Oli.
All the best to you.
Thank you Oli.
Great story Oli. Good luck. I know a few bright minds in the industry who suffer with bipolar disorder and/or depression. It’s debilitating.
Moodscope.com is a great site setup by an ex creative ad man who suffers from servere depression. It’s a potentially useful tool for tracking your mood and the science is sound.
Everything you said is true.Just looking at others made me cry,especially in the supermarket,and the panic I felt so horrid.After 50 years of paranoia I got help like you and meds have been worth it after avoiding ever having to go down that path.
Hi Oli, it’s very brave of you to come out like that and share with the world something that people in your situation work so hard to hide. Hearing from you makes us know that we are not alone, and it really helps. I, too, suffer from depression and social anxiety. It used to be extremely debilitating. I can’t remember how any times I’ve burst out crying at work (at a known media agency), which made me feel so ashamed. I walked into the agency every morning, convinced that everyone around me judged me and thought negative things about me. I felt isolated, disliked, worthless, incompetent, and wondered why they hadn’t fired me already. I felt freezing panic throughout the day. I’ve probably created the isolation through my own behaviour (people sense depression and run the other way), but it didn’t help that people at that agency wen’t very nice to begin with. Finally I seeked help – psychologist sessions, who helped me understand my patterns of thinking and taught me to challenge my own twisted thoughts. It helped a lot, but the key to feeling normal again was taking meds – after all, our bodies are chemical machines, and our minds are connected to it. A new job in a much nicer agency (great people, work I feel proud to do) really restored my self-worth, and often makes me forget I am clinically depressed. It is do good to feel reasonably normal again, and I never take it for granted.
Hugs to you!
Mila
Excellent article Oli. Big respect.
Hi Oli – I just wanted to let you know I think you are a champion for sharing your story.
Oli,
I too have suffered from sever depression and anxiety, and part of me is saddened that it has taken the suicide of such a luminous man for us discuss such a salient and evil disease.
What I want to add however, is just how well your piece is written – balanced, informative but mostly accurate and o so brave. I really thank you for allowing us to understand your suffering, and reiterate back to you – you’re not alone.
Congratulations Oli on such a brave piece, and the courage and where-with-all to write it.
Good on you Oli. Unfortunately (I think), advertising is quite an uncaring industry. I can say this from my own personal experience of being cast aside by one of the big media agencies. It nearly broke me.
It’s also, of course, a wider problem than just in our industry.
Well said to you.
Hi Oli,
I agree wholeheartedly with all the comments above, and thank you for your article.
Robin Williams’ death is truly tragic, but if there is one good thing that can come out of it, it is the additional spotlight on depression. The more that is understood about this illness, the easier it will be for people to admit that they are struggling and seek the help that they need, without any stigma attached.
I wish you all the best with your continuing recovery. One day at a time….
Well written Oli, thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you everyone for your lovely and encouraging words.
Oli, I am a very private person despite being in the profession. However I admire your courage and for that reason I have pasted below a note my prescient and wonderful daughter Claire sent out to our family yesterday. She is obliquely referring to me and all I can say to anyone feels they are spiralling down lean on, almost crush your family and friends and they will help you more than you will realise at the time. Also of course seek advice from your GP and the many wonderful people around such as Beyond Blue.
Richard.
I am so saddened by the news of Robbin Williams maybe its because of the hormones that you seem to acquire after having a baby that sees me crying in many situations even TV ads, but I think I am most saddened because I feel for someone who lived in such a world of happiness on the outside and such a world of darkness on the inside.
I worry because I know that as a family we have had glimpses into this horrible disease, that people we love so very much have been crippled by something that is so uncontrollable. I write this to remind all of you that no matter how hard, how dark or how much you think things couldn’t get any better, with all of our love it can! I wanted to take this opportunity to remind you all that your so special to me and what a great family we have.
Oli. Good man for sharing. I wish you well. I’ve experience all you wrote about and come out the other side.
Beautifully and bravely written Oli. Depression sounds truly awfull. I can imagine the loneliness it must create, let alone the pain. It’s good to be reminded that the person you’re about to call a dick head (in my case) may be suffering in ways you can’t possibly comprehend. I wish the best mate.
Well said brother
Year backs, I was supposed to go to a conference interstate, and i was so shit scared of panic attacks i told my boss i had an ear infection and i couldn’t fly.
I also was supposed to go to a conference in the Hunter Valley, and i was so anxious i told me boss my car broke down and i couldnt get up there.
I also convinced myself at another gig that the building i worked in was making me depressed, and i couldnt work there so i changed jobs.
A horrible, vile illness. But with professional treatment, meditation, some medication and countless hours lifting weights like a mad man, you get by and get better.
Well done Oli for being brave enough to talk about your struggles openly, especially to an industry audience that expects people to be on their A-game pretty much all the time, and the pressures of which can be too much to bear when you’re already having a tough time.
I work in the industry, but also volunteer as a telephone crisis counsellor for Lifeline, and would strongly encourage anyone experiencing similar struggles to give Lifeline a call, 24-7, on 13 11 14.
Excellent piece, Oli and good on you for being so brave. I too work in the industry and have mild (ha!), bi-polar disease which I have lived with for over twenty years. Few people know of it, I have not shared with some members of my own family and friends because many just do not understand. Somehow even the smartest of humans consider the brain not to be attached to the rest of a body..they think the person living with a mental illness is in complete control of whatever ‘mood’ comes from there..I’ve heard everything from the lamest ‘pull yourself together’ to that most pathetic of platitudes ‘suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem’ – especially over the last couple of days since Robin William’s tragic death. Public opinion has gotten a bit better since I was first diagnosed while at university but I think it will take many more years before most people fully accept and understand unequivocally that mental illness is no less and no more biological than any other disease. Your story will definitely educate. Thank you.
Thank you for writing this Oli. Such an important topic that i would imagine affects more people than we will ever know in our industry. I wish you all the best with your ongoing journey.
Power to you, Oli. I hope more people can speak out / reach out for help. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength.
If only more of our industry./government / societal drivers could touch the humanity expressed here (no you wont find it on a spreadsheet….. and you dont get $$ bonuses for promoting it).
These examples of real life experiences come from purportedly two of the most advanced nations in the world. They are of real very capable people (Oli – pardon the hasty judgement -albeit positive). When I think of the intelligence and real insight of Robin Williams combined with his evident emotional intelligence; it saddens me that we lose a soul like this because they cannot cope with the ‘world game’. YES its a perspective issue (often influenced by chemical make up) and YES meds help. But frankly we need more CARE in this world. Starting at your office and home it would be great to see a whole lot more WE and less of ME…………in action not just some great perception shifting pretensious campaign.
Hi Oli – thanks for sharing and I’m glad to hear you have found the strength to seek help and are on a better mind path… do not linger in the past of regrets nor worry towards a future that has not happened yet. Live for today and see that you do have support around you.
Thanks for sharing Oli.
I’m glad you are on your way to finding peace and internal silence.
Mate, take it from me who used to be in the industry and has battled his own big fat black dirty dog…
If you love something else more (apart from the ad industry) get out and do it.
Start something new…
I did and haven’t looked back. Sure, it took hard work and planning but I’m filled with so much satisfaction and creative fulfilment…
My opinion only but the industry doesn’t feed the soul mate. It becomes very very boring and unimportant…
Do it… you’ll be amazing.