Savage counsel: holding a grudge
Hi Chris,
I am seething and need your help. A business associate really let me down last week. They broke a promise and by their actions, caused me professional damage. I am really angry and struggling to deal with this person now. But I have to as they are important to my role and business. How can I manage my anger and resentment? And how do I go about getting revenge?
Take a deep breath. Breathe in… Count to four… Breathe out… Relax a moment while I tell you a story. David Gonski is a fixture in the top 10 most influential people in Australia annual rankings. He’s on multiple boards, is much sought after as an advisor and is generally considered a very wise man. So when he laughed out loud at something I said before giving me a sobering piece of advice, I listened. It’s a gem and it is vital in business.
A corporate shareholder in my business had purchased a competitor of ours the year prior and I was still upset about it, believing this broke an agreement I had with the then CEO not to invest in competitors to my business. I told Gonski who I met via a client. He laughed, and then gave me the piece of advice that still stings today. He said: “Staying pissed off is a luxury in business.”
While I don’t disagree with any of the above, I would also like to say a few words in support of little wax dolls and a handful of pins.
Seriously. The old witch doctors wrapped a swathe of mumbo-jumbo around a small but useful nugget of psychological wisdom: get it out, and let it go.
Curse the one who has wronged you. Vilify their parentage. Wish evil upon their offspring. Ram home a pin for every malediction as you call upon the gods to hear you in your hour of torment… and then go home and forget about it. You have passed the injustice on to another party and how they deal with it is entirely their affair.